This year, I did nothing but survive. I survived every suicidal thoughts that came into my mind, I survived every negative thought that made me feel I’m nothing. I survived the miseries to my failures and I started to hope and believing that the hour of success is coming tomorrow.
I did nothing but motivate myself to wake up with a positive mind. I mustered everything in me to keep myself from falling off track and give it all up because I felt so tired, the kind of tiredness that rest could never make up for, the kind of tiredness that makes you wish you could sleep for days and wake up just when everything’s alright. but in the end, I commend myself for trying, for surviving because after all, I get to see these beautiful things in front of me, feel this overwhelming love around me, and appreciate what I could grasp in my hands. I survived and so did you. with that, i’m glad.
Her: And why do you want your future with me, exactly?There are a lot of girls besides me.
Me: Why do I want my future to be with you? Because I loved you from the first sight, I know you are a caring person, honest, truthful, beautiful and intelligent, that you need to be loved accordingly :)/
Yes there might be a lot of girls, and surely they are , but you are different, in your own way, you personalities and behaviors, your reasoning and senses, and I know that deep down in your heart you really wish to be loved for who you are, you wish to be cared for, you wish to be loved unconditionally both secretly and publicly, all humans are given the portion of love./
Her:😲🤦♀️ Loneliness is better for me and it is better for my family to be confident in me. I do not think about these things. I want to stay alone and I am so happy.
I’m not good at this– I don’t care about anyone, no one cares about me. The reason I lose people is because I do not care, nor do I call, or talk to them, I am always like this in my self.
Me: Don’t feel alone anymore, for me it doesn’t matter whether you care or not, just know that today you have David who will live to accept you the way you are, and will live to care for you /
Life have stages, and you just haven’t met the one you will always care about, the one you will always worry about his situation, what he eats, what he drinks, how he feels, how healthy he is./
Her: loneliness is beautiful for me
David, I don’t want you to cling to me too much because I’m not very good at caring about anyone, and one day I will disappear ☹️
I will not stay with you forever
“I hope you find a girl who is better than me and is good at this”
Me: Don’t worry I’m good to understand loneliness and misery because they have been my best friends, to understand life, one must endure misery and loneliness./
“We shall all disappear, perhaps I disappear first”/
Her: I bear this loneliness and I think this is better for me. I do not want to be associated
Your loneliness was hidden behind your independence.
you thought you always needed to be strong though you were on the brink of giving it all up. Your dissimilarity from the crowd stood out, but little did you know, you were just like the ordinary people residing in this planet.
you also wanted your fears to be seen despite their invisibility from the naked eyes, your suppressed emotions to be heard in between your silences, your actions to be fully understood why you acted that way, when it all started.
and where you were coming from. your soul to be saved from your own misery.
You pushed people away, because the closest ones jaded your trust and broke your heart, all the love that was once stored within spilled out, nothing was left inside of you.
never never witnessed your own weakness, until that night you had your worst nightmare. You wanted those you loved to escape, and free themself from your cursed life.
Don’t worry, and that won’t happen anymore. For you will find someone who will be there beside you. I know You are used to being on the dark on your own and that one true person won’t offer you their light if you don’t want it.
but that one true person will stay, they won’t runaway. They will sit there with you, side by side, until you say, “Now you are okay”.
We first met at a time when texting had efficiently replaced calls, real-life interactions were scarcely looked forward to, and the only approachable way to start a conversation was social media. I texted you first and everything else magically fitted in, like every inch of it was meant to be.
Ah, I still remember that two-hour-long debate I had in my mind when I first wanted to tag you in one of the memes, and the anxiety that followed because I had absolutely no idea how you would react to a stranger tagging you in a random post.
You and I are exactly 18 hours and 45 minutes apart which makes my desire to meet you once understandable. For once, I would really want to have a good look at your face and not your filter-applied photographs; I want to know how you move, how your eyes wander around a place, how you panic. I want to touch you. Know what you feel like. Look at you smile, look at you weep. Look at you blush, look at you annoyed. I really wish I could do all that.
And, while my brain knows that you are just two states away, my heart constantly argues that this physical distance between us is equivalent to distance between the two poles, as most of the time I find myself waiting for your replies.
While the emotional fool in me fantasies to have a warm hug instead of those calming words of yours, which inculcated a sense of being in me, the realist in me quietly saves all my pocket money for making that one trip to an unknown land which nests someone so close.
Of all the Internet strangers, I am glad that you were destined to be mine. You taught me many things, from Islamic laws, law of nature to philosophical agendas of life, and my favourite one being that people will come and go, but you were here to stay.
You are my emotional support, the only one I trust enough to fall back on, and share all my uncanny secrets. Without you, I am a wreck of flawed dreams and forced smiles.
YAMBIO DAVID 