This year, I did nothing but survive. I survived every suicidal thoughts that came into my mind, I survived every negative thought that made me feel I’m nothing. I survived the miseries to my failures and I started to hope and believing that the hour of success is coming tomorrow.
I did nothing but motivate myself to wake up with a positive mind. I mustered everything in me to keep myself from falling off track and give it all up because I felt so tired, the kind of tiredness that rest could never make up for, the kind of tiredness that makes you wish you could sleep for days and wake up just when everything’s alright. but in the end, I commend myself for trying, for surviving because after all, I get to see these beautiful things in front of me, feel this overwhelming love around me, and appreciate what I could grasp in my hands. I survived and so did you. with that, i’m glad.
Her: And why do you want your future with me, exactly?There are a lot of girls besides me.
Me: Why do I want my future to be with you? Because I loved you from the first sight, I know you are a caring person, honest, truthful, beautiful and intelligent, that you need to be loved accordingly :)/
Yes there might be a lot of girls, and surely they are , but you are different, in your own way, you personalities and behaviors, your reasoning and senses, and I know that deep down in your heart you really wish to be loved for who you are, you wish to be cared for, you wish to be loved unconditionally both secretly and publicly, all humans are given the portion of love./
Her:😲🤦♀️ Loneliness is better for me and it is better for my family to be confident in me. I do not think about these things. I want to stay alone and I am so happy.
I’m not good at this– I don’t care about anyone, no one cares about me. The reason I lose people is because I do not care, nor do I call, or talk to them, I am always like this in my self.
Me: Don’t feel alone anymore, for me it doesn’t matter whether you care or not, just know that today you have David who will live to accept you the way you are, and will live to care for you /
Life have stages, and you just haven’t met the one you will always care about, the one you will always worry about his situation, what he eats, what he drinks, how he feels, how healthy he is./
Her: loneliness is beautiful for me
David, I don’t want you to cling to me too much because I’m not very good at caring about anyone, and one day I will disappear ☹️
I will not stay with you forever
“I hope you find a girl who is better than me and is good at this”
Me: Don’t worry I’m good to understand loneliness and misery because they have been my best friends, to understand life, one must endure misery and loneliness./
“We shall all disappear, perhaps I disappear first”/
Her: I bear this loneliness and I think this is better for me. I do not want to be associated
I was trying to sleep but for some reasons, I couldn’t stop thinking about the people who go to sleep feeling lonely, about the girl who sits alone during lunch and sighs at the extra sandwich her mother made for her “friends”. I can’t stop thinking about people who are waiting to be discovered and heard including myself and just..you know? Acknowledged? This world can be cruel at times. I often fail to understand how it works. I know we are all supposed to play with the cards that are dealt to us but it’s unfair. I don’t think so anyone deserves to go to bed feeling worthless. Nobody deserves to think that they are boring or insignificant. It breaks my heart to know that there are people who feel that way. A whole lot of them. And I don’t really believe in god but if there’s something up there that looks after each one of us, i hope that force makes some changes in how this world works. I hope the guy who has 653 friends on Facebook, 53 followers on twitter finds at least one person he can talk to. I hope the girl who loves to chat but doesn’t really have friends because of some shitty rumour finds someone she can talk about her crush to. I hope the old lady who waits for her son’s call finally wakes up to him coming all the way home to surprise her. I hope the middle-aged man who quit his job to pursue his talent finds people who believe in him. I hope people are okay. I hope, irrespective of where they are, what they do, who they are with, i hope with all my heart that people are loved and accepted and celebrated. I hope no story goes untold. Hope. I guess hoping is all i can do right now. And i think that’s enough to pass this night.
The bed that doesn’t make you sleepy isn’t worth it 🙂
YAMBIO DAVID 