This is normal, and I often reach this point these days, instead of locking myself inside my own room and overthinking about certain things, I will sing until I become voiceless; run until my feet no longer have the courage to walk; cry until my body feels numb of everything. I look for calmness in between words and lyrics, roads and places, sobs and tears. Exhausting, but I will always seek for a rest after it.
The kind of sleep where all I could feel is like I am floating in free air. And it will take me quite a long while to regain my sanity; but at least, once I close my eyes, I will no longer care about the world around me; my head will only be filled with nothing. And I apologize for not replying for days; by that time, I decide not to answer any questions, because I am tired of feigning happiness.
Surely, peace will have a hard time looking for me again, but it will be back. I put all my trust in it.
Her: And why do you want your future with me, exactly?There are a lot of girls besides me.
Me: Why do I want my future to be with you? Because I loved you from the first sight, I know you are a caring person, honest, truthful, beautiful and intelligent, that you need to be loved accordingly :)/
Yes there might be a lot of girls, and surely they are , but you are different, in your own way, you personalities and behaviors, your reasoning and senses, and I know that deep down in your heart you really wish to be loved for who you are, you wish to be cared for, you wish to be loved unconditionally both secretly and publicly, all humans are given the portion of love./
Her:😲🤦♀️ Loneliness is better for me and it is better for my family to be confident in me. I do not think about these things. I want to stay alone and I am so happy.
I’m not good at this– I don’t care about anyone, no one cares about me. The reason I lose people is because I do not care, nor do I call, or talk to them, I am always like this in my self.
Me: Don’t feel alone anymore, for me it doesn’t matter whether you care or not, just know that today you have David who will live to accept you the way you are, and will live to care for you /
Life have stages, and you just haven’t met the one you will always care about, the one you will always worry about his situation, what he eats, what he drinks, how he feels, how healthy he is./
Her: loneliness is beautiful for me
David, I don’t want you to cling to me too much because I’m not very good at caring about anyone, and one day I will disappear ☹️
I will not stay with you forever
“I hope you find a girl who is better than me and is good at this”
Me: Don’t worry I’m good to understand loneliness and misery because they have been my best friends, to understand life, one must endure misery and loneliness./
“We shall all disappear, perhaps I disappear first”/
Her: I bear this loneliness and I think this is better for me. I do not want to be associated
When you have been a traveler for a long time, you are scared of anything and everything that can put you and your adventures in a cage. And, I travel from places to people and from people to other places, and no matter where I go, I feel like I will never be at home until I find that one place that will make me feel so. Everyone says that when you are too full of something, you must leave it because then, it will make you unsteady like a glass of water filled to its brim—you cannot drink it without spilling it everywhere. But honestly, I think I will never overflow. I think I will never be shaky because, no matter how much I see, how many places I go, how many strangers I make friends with, there is always a little space left for a new adventure. And I have felt so wild, unchained and free for the longest time that right now, I am afraid of anything and everything that can put me and my adventures in a cage.
YAMBIO DAVID 