This is normal, and I often reach this point these days, instead of locking myself inside my own room and overthinking about certain things, I will sing until I become voiceless; run until my feet no longer have the courage to walk; cry until my body feels numb of everything. I look for calmness in between words and lyrics, roads and places, sobs and tears. Exhausting, but I will always seek for a rest after it.
The kind of sleep where all I could feel is like I am floating in free air. And it will take me quite a long while to regain my sanity; but at least, once I close my eyes, I will no longer care about the world around me; my head will only be filled with nothing. And I apologize for not replying for days; by that time, I decide not to answer any questions, because I am tired of feigning happiness.
Surely, peace will have a hard time looking for me again, but it will be back. I put all my trust in it.
Her: And why do you want your future with me, exactly?There are a lot of girls besides me.
Me: Why do I want my future to be with you? Because I loved you from the first sight, I know you are a caring person, honest, truthful, beautiful and intelligent, that you need to be loved accordingly :)/
Yes there might be a lot of girls, and surely they are , but you are different, in your own way, you personalities and behaviors, your reasoning and senses, and I know that deep down in your heart you really wish to be loved for who you are, you wish to be cared for, you wish to be loved unconditionally both secretly and publicly, all humans are given the portion of love./
Her:😲🤦♀️ Loneliness is better for me and it is better for my family to be confident in me. I do not think about these things. I want to stay alone and I am so happy.
I’m not good at this– I don’t care about anyone, no one cares about me. The reason I lose people is because I do not care, nor do I call, or talk to them, I am always like this in my self.
Me: Don’t feel alone anymore, for me it doesn’t matter whether you care or not, just know that today you have David who will live to accept you the way you are, and will live to care for you /
Life have stages, and you just haven’t met the one you will always care about, the one you will always worry about his situation, what he eats, what he drinks, how he feels, how healthy he is./
Her: loneliness is beautiful for me
David, I don’t want you to cling to me too much because I’m not very good at caring about anyone, and one day I will disappear ☹️
I will not stay with you forever
“I hope you find a girl who is better than me and is good at this”
Me: Don’t worry I’m good to understand loneliness and misery because they have been my best friends, to understand life, one must endure misery and loneliness./
“We shall all disappear, perhaps I disappear first”/
Her: I bear this loneliness and I think this is better for me. I do not want to be associated
To the girl who constantly searched for her truer self, the girl who has 212 followers on twitter, a little more friends on Facebook, the girl who hated the existence of instagram, to the girl whose horror trikes like a thunderstorm while talking of her self.
To the girl who always found it difficult to start a conversation, the girl who was always befuddled while in the middle of congestive souls, and yet she grew up from the most populated city, a city where all humans are constantly busy, a city no one was shy, a city with all sorts of stuff, a city with over 210+M marvelous creatures.
To the girl who always thought she was boring and hardly started a conversation, a girl who was always lost in her own thought and found it difficult to know herself and figure out her existence out of millions.
To the girl who thinks her existence means nothing so would her death, with her perspicacious mind befuddling her own existence, yet the strong embraces their shadow while the weak denies its existence. Some Parts of who you are have been locked away and hidden within your unconsciousness.
I tell you today that the luminiferous aether with its vastness and by giving space, Sun by giving light and energy. Wind by giving vital breath, Water by being nectarine giving life and satisfaction, Earth by giving grains and upholding all to all fructify their existence.
I tell you today that stop trying to find who you are or trying to change inorder to be accepted. because if you are not interested in Yourself, life becomes more uninteresting that you wouldn’t be able to endure it.
Stop being a pity to the passersby in your own thoughts and imaginations, stop thinking that you are not fit in this human race , your existence matters, you will be loved for who you are, you will be featured to lead for who you are, your existence is a blessing to others, it’s the reason others live today , though you are yet to meet that one person, just know that: If our existence is for the welfare of others, it is meaningful. And Instead of thinking about that which you want to do think about who you want to be. Do you want to be more self-aware? Do you want to be more conscious? Do you want to be a better person? Do you want to be difference in the world?
Know today that you are A god, your brain consists of all magic and has the power to change everything, people, thoughts, and life, stop trying to please everyone or to be liked by everybody because the nature of life hinders us even from liking everybody.
Know today that you are the most beautiful girl of all time but in your own form,those enticing smiles belongs to you and not anyone else, those alluring self of yours that you thinks is a boring self is the most valued in the world.
Know that your existence is a total superstition, what you believes in is your true self, no matter how hard you try the world will always see the negatives in you and no one is perfect in escaping that reality.
Ever thought of the moon as it shines with the existence of the sun? But they are always great enemy, when the sun says goodbye it’s always a pleasing moment for the moon to say a new Hello and for this reason they are always a sworn enemy, so does life and all the homo-sepiens that exists next to you, some will be there to ruin your life and make it miserable and some will be there who always will have to finght for your smiles.
“When life is put into a total misery it becomes the worst thing to ever happen to man and yet it’s the most beautiful thing to ever happen to man”
You are not alone today as each of us share the same longing to be truly known and truly loved, to discover and know our truer self.
We first met at a time when texting had efficiently replaced calls, real-life interactions were scarcely looked forward to, and the only approachable way to start a conversation was social media. I texted you first and everything else magically fitted in, like every inch of it was meant to be.
Ah, I still remember that two-hour-long debate I had in my mind when I first wanted to tag you in one of the memes, and the anxiety that followed because I had absolutely no idea how you would react to a stranger tagging you in a random post.
You and I are exactly 18 hours and 45 minutes apart which makes my desire to meet you once understandable. For once, I would really want to have a good look at your face and not your filter-applied photographs; I want to know how you move, how your eyes wander around a place, how you panic. I want to touch you. Know what you feel like. Look at you smile, look at you weep. Look at you blush, look at you annoyed. I really wish I could do all that.
And, while my brain knows that you are just two states away, my heart constantly argues that this physical distance between us is equivalent to distance between the two poles, as most of the time I find myself waiting for your replies.
While the emotional fool in me fantasies to have a warm hug instead of those calming words of yours, which inculcated a sense of being in me, the realist in me quietly saves all my pocket money for making that one trip to an unknown land which nests someone so close.
Of all the Internet strangers, I am glad that you were destined to be mine. You taught me many things, from Islamic laws, law of nature to philosophical agendas of life, and my favourite one being that people will come and go, but you were here to stay.
You are my emotional support, the only one I trust enough to fall back on, and share all my uncanny secrets. Without you, I am a wreck of flawed dreams and forced smiles.
YAMBIO DAVID 